Perhaps this is just a mood, or maybe I’m finally growing up.  But I think there comes a time when you really need to get over old wounds, stop reliving them, and just let it go.  In that spirit, I have been set on the path to make amends.  (Yes, set on the path, by a dear old friend.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not becoming one of those feel-good, “love everyone” kind of people.  I will still get my Julia Sugarbaker righteous indignation when I or a loved one is wronged.  BUT, I am trying to be better, and will try very hard to not be so freakin’ judgemental.  (I said TRY.)

(Tangent:  And no, this does not cover a current situation I am in, whereupon my heart is ripped open every single time I think of it.  I have loved, I have lost, and I don’t like it one bit.  I’m not mad because I lost the romantic love; I am crushed because I am being forced to give up what was once a huge part of my existance.)

I am tired of the past haunting me, and the future being so scary and the present feeling like I’m suffocating.  It’s time to forgive, admit what I have done, address what they have done, make amends, and let it go.  Then to leave it up to the other parties involved, and either move forward as friends, or to at least get the past resolved and agree to go on toward our separate paths.  Either way, forgiveness needs to be big in my life, not only to forgive others, but to forgive myself.

Anybody got any ideas on how to go about this?

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About Tracey

Not much to tell, but stick around surely something will come up!

One response »

  1. Wes says:

    Tracey,

    I have been down this road. And everytime, I swear never to get lost again. Yet I do. Each time becomes another journey in self-discovery, and often a painful one. But I must say, each time I come out a better person with a renewed interested in life, the world around me and (shock!) faith.

    I find that the biggest part of this is admitting and accepting my own culpability. Only after I have humbled myself with the truth can I forgive myself. Without forgiving yourself, the wound that keeps openning up is the self-inflicted one! After you have forgiven yourself, tell your friend everything. And I mean everything. Get it all out. I find a letter to be particularly helpful, especially if you are as verbose as I. Ask your friend for forgiveness and let them know that they are forgiven. Pray. And wait. Some friendships are meant to be lasting, and will survive even the worst hurts. Others are not as lasting, though still a valuable experience, and you have to let them go. Any relationship, including friendship, requires an incredible amount of work to sustain it. Think of where you and I might be had our course been altered some __ years back (fill in the blank publically and I’ll flog you). If I had it to do over again, I would do it very differently. And for that, I truly apologize to you. I struggled for many years to accept what happened and how my own stubborness and pride ruined a beautiful friendship. I lost a lot of sleep and shed some tears on the kind of person I had become that allowed me to walk away from you at that time. After a lot of reflection, I forgave myself, and all I can do is ask you to forgive me as well.

    Getting back on track…Prayer is the best thing you can do. Be it “formal” prayer or meditative reflection or whatever works for you. Pray on it and ask some higher power for wisdom in helping you forgive yourself. Once that’s done, you’ll be able to ask forgivness of the other, and your path will be pretty clear based on that interaction.

    – Wes

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