At Xander's Baptism

At Xander's Baptism

So I have no clue what to say or how to say this.  I guess I’ll start at the beginning.  I have been blessed to become part of Missi’s family and am so madly in love with these people, I just can’t convey it properly.

At the heart of this is Bug and Dad, Missi’s parents.  They are some of the coolest and biggest hearted people ever.  They give kind guidance, complete understanding, and a swift kick in the rear when you need it – as all good parents do.

So Missi calls me pretty early this morning to tell me some news that I still can’t wrap my head around.  She called to tell me that Bug has been given anywhere from a few hours to a few days left to live.  SAY WHAT?! No way.  This can’t be real.  BUG? We are about to lose Bug? No, not Bug.  There must be some mistake. Seriously?

See, Bug had been having serious stomach pains here for the past few weeks.  And they had diagnosed it as everything from gall bladder issues to perforated bowel.  When they went to do the surgery on the bowel, they found out that it was just too late.

Too late to save Bug? Say what? This can’t be happening.  It just can’t.

Today has been spent drifting between disbelief, intense prayer, heartbreak, worry for the family, and just outright illness over the situation.  What on earth are we going to do without Bug?  I mean, she always had the answers.  And no matter what, the first thing she’d do is say, “well, let’s pray about it” and she would.  Everything from the smallest worry that we had up through the major issues, she was the rock that got us through it.

And her laugh.  Oh my gosh I loved it when that lady laughed.  It just made the world a better place.  That and her hugs.  She hugged you with her whole soul and you knew that you were loved and that everything would be okay.

But why is she going? I don’t understand.  She’s going to leave us and we can’t fix it.  Can’t stop it.  Why? Why her and why now?

Missi, if you ever read this, just know that honey I love you so much and I am so so so sorry.  This is breaking my heart…I can’t imagine what you are going through.  We will make it though.  Somehow.

But for now, this is just a huge shock.


About Tracey

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One response »

  1. Missi says:

    I know. I am also still in disbelief, almost two weeks later. Will this get easier? Will I ever fill this empty hole in my heart? Honestly, I think the answer to both is a resounding no. I feel like life should just stop for a day or two at least a few minutes, you know in honor of bug. But I have found, Life goes on. Xander still needs me, Jayme, Dad, Bobby, you all still need me. My work on this earth is not done yet. Momma’s work was done. God decided it was time to call her home. I don’t understand, but I can deal. God has been with me through all of this. I feel his arms around me. Leading me on, protecting me, giving me strength. Oh, and I have NO REGRETS!!! Not too many people can honestly say that. I spent EVERY day with my momma. We had such a good time together. I will truly miss her, but I know she is watching me from above and is cheering me on. I just want to make her proud of me. I hope to be half as good a momma as she was to me. I love you Tracey. Thanks for giving me a forum to get this off my chest!

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