Lunch: Mean Green, seemingly the most famous of the juice recipes. It was pretty potent but still filling.

Dinner: Green Lemonade is made of lemons, kale, apples, spinach, cucumber and celery. And while it sounds quite refreshing, it really didn’t live up to my expectations. Maybe it was after the heaviness of Mean Green at lunch. Or maybe it was toward the end of day one and I was starting to want food. I wasn’t hungry, per se, but just the emotional feeling of “wait, I haven’t eaten anything all day!”

Speaking of, emotionally, I’m ok. I am not hungry or fatigued that I can tell. (I am suffering with a stuffy head currently, but other than that, there are no side effects that I can speak of.)

Then Ed watched Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead and was incredibly moved by Joe and Phil’s stories. He suggested the show to us, we watched it, and BOOM: inspiration.

We went out and bought a high-end juicer, tons of produce, and did our first batch of juice, and I am optimistic. Let’s hope that continues.

“Everything”
by Lifehouse

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That’s leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose…you’re everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won’t let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

So here’s my ponderings: when I first heard this song forever ago, I used it with romantic connotation. I heard it and it made me go all breathless over a certain brown-eyed boy that I love. And it was a good thing.

But now, when I hear it, I listen with a different spin. I am at work, in my office, doing Youth Director-ish things and it came on my Pandora. Something possessed me to look up the lyrics and read them. REALLY read.

And isn’t it interesting what one discovers when they read: this song is a great witness to having a relationship on a higher level. It is just more about getting lost in another person…no matter how devastating those brown eyes can be!

First, I had to take my vehicle in for warranty work yesterday. They said all was fine. Well, I left the dealership, went to the bank and then to work. The truck stayed parked for several hours. When I got in to leave, it wouldn’t start. I called the dealership who, while they sympathized, reminded me that I had no warranty left on getting a tow truck, and could they call one for me (even though I’d be paying for it)? After deciding no, I called Mr. Steele, who came and rescued me by wiggling some wires. POOF, I was on the road again!…

…for about three minutes. As I’m driving along, I literally feel things go wrong. Blessedly, I was able to get it to the side of the road, whereupon I called both my husband and the dealership. Yes, again. This time, the dealership was like, “oh, well let us call you a tow truck” but somehow the tone had changed. So, husband arrives, tow truck arrives, we take truck to dealership and go home.

I receive a call from the dealership to let me know that when doing the work yesterday, the tech didn’t replug my ignition switch wire – or something like that – and it caused my truck to die as I was driving. Hmm. Well, okay, I’m all about forgiveness; we all make mistakes.

So far, all is well. I didn’t even have to pay the towing fee, since it was their error. They took great care of me, for which I am thankful.

Then, the second – less dramatic – close call was that I had forgotten my password to the ol’ blog here. No biggie, I decide…I’ll just do the “reset password” thingy. And I did, and it sent me a lovely email which said, “to change your password click on the following address:”…AND THERE WAS NO ADDRESS to click on! YIKES!

But, as you can see, after many attempts of typing about 50 potential passwords, I’m back at it! WOOT!

Well, it is now time for me to get ready to head in to the office. My boss is a real doll for letting me work from home today, PLUS I have Youth from 6-7:30 tonight, so I kinda gotta head out.

Oh how life has changed. Since I last checked in, I have completely gotten over the friendship that I lost (she says with as much bluster as she can manage) and have moved on without looking back (as she lies through her teeth.) But what’s a girl to do? He got married to someone who hates me, so goodbye old friend, hello new opportunities! (Yes, I still miss the boy. But the ball is in his court. I’m just over here doing my thing…)

And what is my thing these days? Wow, where do I start…

I guess the biggest change is that I am not at the graphic design job at the manufacturer anymore. Nope, I am now following a life-long-yet-thought-the-dream-was-dead goal of being a Youth Director! There are about 8 in my 5th and 6th grade group, and about 15 in the Youth group. All amazing, energetic, inquisitive, and darling kids. Really, no snarkyness or anything…they really are a great group! So, perhaps the blogglings should be changed to ADVENTURES IN YOUTH DIRECTING…nah, let’s leave that to the seasoned YD’s! I’m just gonna go on and post random things as they come along. After all, that’s what the blogglings are all about!

This Friday, however, was just a bit different.  While we normally donate an entire month’s worth of our “blue jean money” to a specific cause, we found out a bit too late that the United Way was doing their “Stuff the Bus” campaign at our local Wal-Mart stores on August 1.  However, we DID get a chance to use this last Friday’s funds to help out.  And, because of the timing of everything, instead of Administration cutting a check and mailing it, I was given the entire envelope of cash and was told I could take it to the bus myself if I wished.

What happened still makes me smile.

My husband and I trekked out to our local Wal-Mart on Saturday, which hosted three buses, one each from three local school districts. Instead of just handing them an envelope of cash, we wanted to donate actual items.

When we approached the first bus, I told the volunteer where we were from, and that we wanted to help.  She almost cried when I asked her what was needed, and with very little hesitation, she said, “BACKPACKS!” Although most folks could only spare a few dollars, several people still made donations of smaller items such as paper, pencils and glue.  Unfortunately, the “large ticket items” – such as backpacks – were really hard to come by.

So, armed with my co-workers’ donations, we went into the store and purchased TWENTY BACKPACKS in various sizes and styles.  It took care of little kids, middle kids, and maybe even some of the bigger kids.

When we returned with all those backpacks, you should have heard the volunteers’ response!  They were overjoyed and amazed to see so many packs purchased and donated to the cause. And when I told everyone that this was from the individual employees of my company, they applauded and cheered. It’s like they were bolstered to know that someone else actually cared for the cause and wanted to help out too.  You’d have thought we’d handed them each a thousand bucks! Sure, this donation isn’t very much on the overall scale, but it IS a drop in the bucket, and those drops add up.  I wish people would understand that.

Please know that I’m not posting this to brag or for any accolades.  I’m posting it to let people know that even adding a little part does to make a difference. Times are financially rough on everyone, but maybe if we all pull together, we can make it through it all.

I only wish my cohorts could see what I got to:  very grateful workers who will be able to help the kids in our community.

And I must say, I am very proud that it did!

I told nobody what my plans were until yesterday…until I was sure my heart was in it.  I guess I didn’t want to wind up with the inevitable announce-fail-shame cycle that usually happens when I declare that I am finally going to do something for myself.

Today, I regained a bit of dignity and self-empowerment.  I went running.

Now before anyone signs me up for the Boston Marathon, please do not mistake my little triumph as anything more than just that:  my LITTLE triumph.  I only ran for a little under a mile, didn’t actually RUN the whole way, and pretty much sounded like The Little Engine that Shouldn’t.  pant wheeze WHEEZE cough pant pant… You get the point.  A 38-and-a-half-year-old, grossly overweight, potential heart-attack victim is NOT a pretty sight at 6 a.m.  BUT, there had to be a start somewhere.

Not sure where this is going to lead, if anywhere.  But for ONCE in a very long time, I did something that I told myself I was going to do.  I hauled my roundy self OUT OF BED.  EARLY. ON A MONDAY before work, and went out and EXERCISED.  ME? Wow.  Congratulations and happy dance, Self.  That’s the first tiny step on a very long journey!

Will I post about this again?  Yep.  Do I plan on making a habit of it?  Gonna try.  Will there be whining and disappointment?  You betcha!  But as long as I get back on there and try when I fail, that’s the important thing, right?

But, there’s a song that John has done that really always just lets me escape for just a few minutes.  So, here we go, the lyrics to one of my favorite JM songs.

Slow Dancing in a Burning Room

It's not a silly little moment
It's not the storm before the calm
This is the deep and dyin breath of
this love we've been workin on
Can't seem to hold you like I want to
so I can feel you in my arms
Nobody's gonna come and save you
we pulled to many false alarms

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

I was the one you always dreamed of
you were the one i tried to draw
how dare you say it's nothin to me
baby, you're the only light I ever saw

I made the most of all the sadness
you'd be a bitch because you can
you try to hit me just hurt me
so you leave me feelin dirty cuz you can't understand

We're goin down
and you can see it too
We're goin down
and you know that we're doomed
my dear
we're slow dancing in a burnin room

Go cry about it why don't you
Go cry about it why don't you
Go cry about it why don't you
my dear, we're slow dancin in a burnin room
burnin room, burnin room
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we oughta know by now
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow
don't you think we shoulda learned somehow

Now, one of you won’t talk to me at all, and blames me for the failure of your friendship with one of the others; one of you vacillates between treating me like I’m the greatest thing ever and completely avoiding me; and one of you lives with me, you poor pitiful soul.

Where did I go wrong?  Where did it all go to pieces, and why the heck didn’t I stop it?  I loved the three of you more than my own life…

Why am I posting this NOW, after all these years?  I’m tired.  Tired of fighting the ghosts and raking the memories over the coals.  I miss who we were.  And I’m not saying I want to go back there.  I just wish that as we grew and evolved, that we could have done it together.

Now, it’s all shattered.  And why is it that nobody’s looking back but me?

EDIT:  And no, this is not posted because anybody said or did anything.  Nothing was posted on Facebook or Twitter or any blog that made me go all memory-laney. I just so happened to be by myself, driving down Johnson Avenue on a sunny day, when Blues Traveler came on the radio.  And it reminded me of one summer when we absolutely played the “FOUR” CD all the time, when you guys lived in Apartment City.  And then one thing led to another, and in true Fossie fashion, I realized that somehow, some way, a huge hole in my heart was still there.

Thank God the song that came on was “Runaround”….if it had been “Hook,” I’d have cried my eyes out for sure.